Updates.

So I managed my $60 Produce only week…ish.

Apologies for the lack of posts, I’ve been back at lectures and had an assignment due. Also, had my first Swing class which was very fun, although I will miss it this week as I am going to Auckland on Thursday evening.

So, anyway, the food thing went relatively well. But with with hiccups. For one, my insides took a hammering, deprived of all the chemical coagulants they are used to and with an overload of fibre. You don’t want to know the details, I imagine. It did inspire me to learn to cook some new things, and invent a few recipes. I discovered that leeks, far from being the hideous ugly cousin of the onion that I thought they were, are in fact seriously delicious. And fun to cook with.

I couldn’t go the whole week without cheese, alas; ended up buying some to eat with a pear in a moment of weakness. Totally worth it though. Also, last night my friend brought me candies, so yeah. This is sounding less impressive as I go on but really it wasn’t so bad….

My brother and his wife bought a house last week, so I’m excited to go see that and celebrate with them. Also, I visited my grandparents while I was home last time and I really would like to catch up with them. I’ll probably end up back at the Illusory Maze, the derpus that I am.

Hopefully I can catch up with the friend I missed out on seeing last time. Oh, and also the one who I spent Sunday with, but will have to wait and see. We only exchanged a couple of texts in almost a fortnight, which is kind of a good thing too I suppose; better than feeling obliged to have awkward, empty text conversations.

Finally I’ve gotten all I need together to satisfy the International Exchange Office, so it’s over to them now; having said that, I really think I should schedule a meeting with the head of my law faculty to persuade him to put in a good word for me. Scary stuff but also a step in the right direction.

Life in Dunedin is settling back into an uncomfortable pattern, so I’m really looking forward to my extra-curricular courses starting (dance, yoga etc…). The workload already seems overwhelming and I just struggle to be interested in the subject, making it even harder. Also, I’ve not been sleeping well, and the sleep I’ve been getting has really been plagued by some uncomfortable dreams. I keep encountering people from the past, or from my current life, and having serious conversations/reconciliation/etc., and then being unable to distinguish between the dreaming and reality. It actually gets kind of saddening, because it puts you in such a good mood when you think bridges have been repaired or whatever, and then you realise it’s totally untrue. Also, those classic bad dreams where you see somebody you care about be horrible to you and loving to somebody else.

I went to an international food festival the other evening, on the green in front of the Dunedin Museum. It was cool, very vibrant with lots of people, and some very fun performances. There was a fantastic African drum band which was just so impressive. Also, beautiful light show and lanterns etc etc.

Exhausting myself is probably the key, so tonight I’ll go for a run (if it’s not freezing) or the gym if it is. I don’t think I’ve ever written about it on here, but I used to be extremely obsessed committed to my body, to the point where it was just such a drain to myself and everybody around me. There’s a lot of history there which need not be aired, but regardless, it took me a while to really become chilled out about physical appearance in that regard. In any case, in the last couple of days I’ve noticed creeping feelings of dissatisfaction, which I’m not happy at all about, so I want to nip that in the bud and get back to feeling comfy and healthy.

Anyway, this really isn’t of much interest to anybody but I felt I ought to say a few words to keep in touch.

PS. Bought the Nanobyte EP, which is excellent and diverse. The song below reminds me a lot of Kryptic Minds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzYEbenHAW8

 

Keep Moving

IMG_1478

Above is the first thing I ever sewed. I was very young and my grandmother, who loves to make quilts, was teaching me how to sew. A couple of days ago I found it in a drawer and a lot of memories came back; I put it in a place in my room where everyone who goes in (which is nobody I guess) can see it. I hope I can hold onto it for a very long time.

Yesterday was day 1; I actually made it to all my classes (even the one at 9am) which is a miracle. They were even more boring and exhausting than I remember and I don’t think I’ve ever been surer that there is no place in law for me, especially not the legal profession.

It’s beautiful and sunny, but cold. A friend who is down from Auckland and I had coffee and a good talk. I’m pretty much dead broke because of all my car troubles recently (engine/key barrel/tyre puncture problem all in the space of a week) as well as paying back some money I owed my brother so cash is non-existent and food is really tight. Yesterday I had to go to the Student Association and ask if they could help me out, which they did (thanks so much OUSA you guys are great) and so at least I won’t be starving this week.

My mood is really meh which I’m not happy about because I’ve been so on top recently. I noticed today I was listening to a song which I think I haven’t listened too in about a year. There must be something about it when I feel a certain fear/stress emotionally.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRP6egIEABk]

I hope that our few remaining friends
Give up on trying to save us
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us

I hope the fences we mended
Fall down beneath their own weight
And I hope we hang on past the last exit
I hope it’s already too late

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town again in my life

I hope I lie
And tell everyone you were a good wife
And I hope you die
I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it’s darkest before the sun rises
We’re pretty sure they’re all wrong

I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn’t over
And I hope you blink before I do
And I hope I never get sober

And I hope when you think of me years down the line
You can’t find one good thing to say
And I’d hope that if I found the strength to walk out
You’d stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand

And I hope you die
I hope we both die

Unfortunately I didn’t manage to catch up with a good friend of mine in Auckland, despite our best efforts, however we talked a bit the other day and he told me about his recent interest in the philosophy of Bushido. Basically, he summarised it to me as the idea that every thing you do, you must try to do in a state of focus and awareness. It seemed to parallel the idea of mindfulness of all things, at least in my eyes. He then said, “How and what you are doing at the moment of your death will define your entire life.” I don’t this is meant to be taken literally (ie, you’d better not sit down and do nothing or you’re being a lazy shit) but prefer to apply it to the state of mind in each thing you do. If you can focus yourself on each thing around you or each thing you do, in a meditative way, you can be at inner peace through awareness and acceptance of the universe. Strive to achieve this in all things and the moment of your death will not be one which induces fear, but defines the manner in which you lived as one of tranquillity.

Moving on. I need to stay active and stay invigorated; obviously I really have to study, but I don’t want to forget how important it is to me that I keep having fun, learning new things, doing new things and being at peace. I don’t want to get beaten down and forget where I am right now. Today I will go out and enjoy the sunshine, maybe go to the beach even (cooooold). My flatmate wants to go camping, and we met some exchange students last night who seemed keen. I’m not really feeling it but I know I should jsut say yes to the opportunity so maybe I will. Except we’ll probably all freeze to death.

Talk soon. Be peaceful and mindful (I’ll try join you in that advice too).

Missing Auckland.

Missing Auckland.