Updates.

So I managed my $60 Produce only week…ish.

Apologies for the lack of posts, I’ve been back at lectures and had an assignment due. Also, had my first Swing class which was very fun, although I will miss it this week as I am going to Auckland on Thursday evening.

So, anyway, the food thing went relatively well. But with with hiccups. For one, my insides took a hammering, deprived of all the chemical coagulants they are used to and with an overload of fibre. You don’t want to know the details, I imagine. It did inspire me to learn to cook some new things, and invent a few recipes. I discovered that leeks, far from being the hideous ugly cousin of the onion that I thought they were, are in fact seriously delicious. And fun to cook with.

I couldn’t go the whole week without cheese, alas; ended up buying some to eat with a pear in a moment of weakness. Totally worth it though. Also, last night my friend brought me candies, so yeah. This is sounding less impressive as I go on but really it wasn’t so bad….

My brother and his wife bought a house last week, so I’m excited to go see that and celebrate with them. Also, I visited my grandparents while I was home last time and I really would like to catch up with them. I’ll probably end up back at the Illusory Maze, the derpus that I am.

Hopefully I can catch up with the friend I missed out on seeing last time. Oh, and also the one who I spent Sunday with, but will have to wait and see. We only exchanged a couple of texts in almost a fortnight, which is kind of a good thing too I suppose; better than feeling obliged to have awkward, empty text conversations.

Finally I’ve gotten all I need together to satisfy the International Exchange Office, so it’s over to them now; having said that, I really think I should schedule a meeting with the head of my law faculty to persuade him to put in a good word for me. Scary stuff but also a step in the right direction.

Life in Dunedin is settling back into an uncomfortable pattern, so I’m really looking forward to my extra-curricular courses starting (dance, yoga etc…). The workload already seems overwhelming and I just struggle to be interested in the subject, making it even harder. Also, I’ve not been sleeping well, and the sleep I’ve been getting has really been plagued by some uncomfortable dreams. I keep encountering people from the past, or from my current life, and having serious conversations/reconciliation/etc., and then being unable to distinguish between the dreaming and reality. It actually gets kind of saddening, because it puts you in such a good mood when you think bridges have been repaired or whatever, and then you realise it’s totally untrue. Also, those classic bad dreams where you see somebody you care about be horrible to you and loving to somebody else.

I went to an international food festival the other evening, on the green in front of the Dunedin Museum. It was cool, very vibrant with lots of people, and some very fun performances. There was a fantastic African drum band which was just so impressive. Also, beautiful light show and lanterns etc etc.

Exhausting myself is probably the key, so tonight I’ll go for a run (if it’s not freezing) or the gym if it is. I don’t think I’ve ever written about it on here, but I used to be extremely obsessed committed to my body, to the point where it was just such a drain to myself and everybody around me. There’s a lot of history there which need not be aired, but regardless, it took me a while to really become chilled out about physical appearance in that regard. In any case, in the last couple of days I’ve noticed creeping feelings of dissatisfaction, which I’m not happy at all about, so I want to nip that in the bud and get back to feeling comfy and healthy.

Anyway, this really isn’t of much interest to anybody but I felt I ought to say a few words to keep in touch.

PS. Bought the Nanobyte EP, which is excellent and diverse. The song below reminds me a lot of Kryptic Minds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzYEbenHAW8

 

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Round Two.

E. E. Cummings

Only just discovered E.E. Cummings and he seems such an affecting writer. I like how he seems so unashamed to be consumed with writing about the feelings he thinks are important, which other’s might consider to be trivial. They mean the world to him and thus, they mean the world.

Arrived back in Dunedin today; the plane was full of students, I was fast asleep the whole time.

4 degrees Celsius, so not too bad! (heh). A friend of mine was picking up his sister on the same flight so I managed to get a ride with him. We stepped outside the terminal and it started hailing on us. Literally, that very second, it started hailing. Lovely.

This is the eve of the new semester, which means I have class at 9am tomorrow. It feels unreal being back, and knowing that I really need to be disciplined and work hard from here on. I hope it won’t get me down, especially while I’m very happy; this particular year of law has a reputation for bashing students over the head relentlessly.

I realised the other day that after this year I actually only have two years left of university, which isn’t soo bad. Hopefully I’ll be able to get my exchange next year; I’m very excited for it. My dad drove me to the airport today and he said a few things which I really appreciated. Basically, he didn’t say that I should be a lawyer, but encouraged me to finish the law degree as a personal achievement in my life, and as a source of confidence, regardless of what thing(s) I do once I’m finished studying. It was a pleasant change from my mother’s constant belligerence telling me I should be a lawyer.

Sophie sent me an email the other day which contained a beautiful poem by Kahlil Gibran…

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Worthy; speaking of poetry, I need to start working on something for the August competition. I can submit up to three poems.

I had a really wonderful day today, although I am sad I had to leave Auckland. I went back to the illusory maze with somebody else; we walked from my house to the CBD and it was gorgeous and sunny. Of course, me being me, we ended up at the Chocolate Boutique because I needed my frappe-fix…. Dear Aucklanders, the Chocolate Boutique is really average, and bad for chocolate. Just warning you. Good view though; we sat out the back.

I had a great time, very cool conversation with somebody totally new. Allowed me to indulge my theory that the world is owned by an ultra rich, faceless ruling class who manipulate people from a young age through vast use of media and social structure in order to shape society to remain semi-conscious to the fact they live in an elaborate vassalage. And also about how facebook only creates an illusion of connectivity in an increasingly disconnected society. I think I may have ranted slightly….

But yeah, I had to go back to Dunedin soon after, which is sad. I don’t dislike it the way I used to; actually, I’m quite positive thinking of what I hope to achieve with the rest of the year. Having said that, I think I’ll definitely make more trips home this semester, if possible. Listening to Fairytale of New York really doesn’t help when you miss someone, I’ve decided.

Hope you are all calm and peaceful and without worries.

PS here’s too neat tracks I’ve picked up in the last couple of days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0W12_wR9fck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcsCdNRjK1o

The Week That Was + stream of consciousness.

So it’s been a fair long time since I wrote anything; apologies.

I really needed to go home for a few days; things had gotten very stale, I was agitated and getting volatile. I’m starting to notice a theme in myself in which I start out contented or even extremely positive with things, but after a while the rose-tint fades rapidly. Things were getting pretty washed with black.

I ran into my old girlfriend while I was home; it was extremely awkward. Long story short, her and her sister ignored me totally, then left because they couldn’t handle being in the same venue. We were together for some time, thought we loved each other. Somewhere along the way things got toxic (but subtly so) and, obviously, we called it quits at the start of the year. We haven’t spoken since the breakup, which has been strange. Personally, it’s not that I still harbour feeling at all, I just feel that ignoring even my very civil requests (asking for stuff back/old photographs ect) has really cast a cloud over the entire memory. What was in truth a beautiful and special relationship now feels quite horrid; coming to terms with not being worth a “hi” in the cafe we saw each other….its been strange.

But that’s well in the past now, just thought it was something worth sharing. It’s done away with a lot of my naivety about “certainty”; for example, I was totally convinced that relationship was the real deal. Ultimately, nothing at all is ever certain. There’s a scariness to that, but there’s also a beauty. Your life is yours to do whatever you wish with it.

I hung out with a very good friend in Auckland; the girl who visited me in Dunedin; had a really lovely time. Missing home a bit now and hoping things are going well for her and everybody else. Subsequently, I’ve turned 22 (must remember to update my bio), and my birthday was pretty good. I don’t usually make a big deal out of birthdays, so it was convenient that a friend was having a party on the same night; got to have some fun without it being arbitrarily about me, you know? Also, I met a cool girl that night and we went on a date which was a lot of fun. Pretty sure I managed to get drunk in the evening and screw things up, but we are meeting up tomorrow so we’ll see how things go. She’s teaching me piano and with any luck on Friday taking me Salsa dancing (omfg I will die). It will be a good thing though, for me to take things less seriously.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now; need to write frequently to keep the flow going. Might be going camping in the next couple of weeks which will be fun. Also, been watching a lot of George Carlin so expect one million political ideas int he coming blogs.